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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435370">you're (still) all over me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittooningMalijah/pseuds/DoctorFitzy'>DoctorFitzy (KittooningMalijah)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>angst war verse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Recovery, definitely mostly hurt, minimum amount of comfort required to be hurt/comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:27:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,757</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27435370</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittooningMalijah/pseuds/DoctorFitzy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's never clear, exactly, how much time can be lost to a bad situation, until it starts stealing from a better one.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Deke Shaw &amp; Skye | Daisy Johnson, Sequoia/Deke Shaw, Trevor Khan/Deke Shaw</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>angst war verse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2137770</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Angst War 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you're (still) all over me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><i>I know we can all tell whose entry this is, let's just all agree to</i> pretend <i>this is anonymous until Kat reads everything and makes her guesses</i></p><p>also worth noting that one scene in particular was supposed to be more dubcon than noncon, but Deke makes a comment later on that changes that. I don't control him, unfortunately. I'm sorry.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After spending almost two hours in and out of the closet, trying on almost a hundred combinations of his clothes and analyzing every detail in the mirror, Deke thought he might have finally found something acceptable. It wasn't like he needed to look perfectly put together, not for a first date with someone who had already known him for so long, but he still wanted to look </span>
  <em>
    <span>good,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and experience taught him that was harder than people made it out to be. Even in his final chosen look, everything seemed just slightly off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The jeans he chose were just a little too loose around his thighs, and his jacket was refusing to hang just right off his shoulders, and his shoes felt tight no matter how many times he tried to tie the laces a different way. But the knock on his bunk door meant he was out of time to try to find something better, and he took a deep breath before making himself open the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trevor </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> look perfectly put together, standing there in the dimly lit SHIELD hallway in his usual t-shirt and cardigan. He didn't have to put in any extra effort, he'd always been aware of that, even when their relationship was just platonic and had no real hope of developing into anything else. He'd had no choice but to analyze the differences in their bodies, his own arms not doing nearly as much to properly fill out sweater sleeves, his hair always just a little messy from the nervous habit of running his fingers through it, everything about Deke just enough out of place to be noticeable to anyone who cared, and there was one person in particular who had </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> cared.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You should wear tighter sweaters." Sequoia had been waiting somewhat impatiently in his office for over an hour, her attention drifting from her phone, to him, and back again every few minutes. "Or... no, more layers. You don't have the right arms for sweaters. But a good shade of red or purple would really pop with your skin tone. I'll see what I can find next time I go out for a few things. You'll need a few new shirts, and something with buttons, and a jacket that's </span>
  </em>
  <span>not</span>
  <em>
    <span> leather. Who let you dress yourself this morning?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Deke had been doing his best to get things done so they could go to lunch, stopping halfway through his signature on the last form that needed it so that he could look over at her. His jacket was one of the only things he'd saved from the Lighthouse that wasn't technology, and he felt comfortable in it, and it reminded him of </span>
  </em>
  <span>home. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Well... maybe I can keep the jacket? But I need to get a few new things, anyway. We should go shopping after lunch."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Oh, no, the jacket will be the first thing to go. It makes you look shapeless. Though... I'll call my trainer so he can set up a session with you. I bet he can help you put some muscle in those arms." She'd already been on her feet by the time she actually looked at him again and tilted her head as if in deep thought. "And my stylist. The spiky hair look was cute last season, but do you know who's </span>
  </em>
  <span>really</span>
  <em>
    <span> killing it right now? That programmer downstairs that I saw on my way in. His hair was shorter than yours, neater... cleaner. When's the last time you shaved?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Blinking, he'd stared at her for a long moment, unable to find the words to respond to the list of demands about his appearance. He'd never really seen a reason to change what he was used to, but blending in for as long as the world was still standing was important, and maybe she had a point. Keeping up with trends would be the best way to keep people from asking too many questions. "I don't know if I have time for all of that, today. Maybe we can get together this weekend? I'll make sure I can get a day free, and we can get boba again, like we did last week."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey. Are you ready to go?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A different voice pulled him from his thoughts and back into the present, and Deke had to take a deep breath before he could let a small smile tug at the corner of his mouth. He was excited, really, even if he was still worried about how he looked. "Yeah. I'm ready whenever you are."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt his shoulders actually relax when he saw the smile on Trevor's face, and almost forgot about the anxiety still coiled in his stomach. If the night was going to be spent like this, with an easy, familiar feeling of warmth that came whenever his best friend was around, then maybe he didn't have so much to worry about. At least, that was the hope while they walked down the hall, side by side, to the doors that would lead them out of the Lighthouse and to the outside world. They wouldn't have to be SHIELD agents, once those doors were behind them, just friends who were trying something new.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I haven't seen your hair like this in a while, and you're a little scruffier than usual. Are you growing it out again?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words were said so casually that he didn't even realize they had strengthened his anxiety until he could feel his heart pounding in his chest and his stomach twisting. Deke had been training, and the field mission he'd been sent out on had lasted longer than they'd all planned it to, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> that he should have been paying more attention to his appearance than he had been, but there hadn't been time.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"When's the last time you shaved?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh... no, I just... it's been busy, and I didn't have time to really do anything to fix it today." His fingers combed through his hair nervously, a futile attempt to tame it into something more acceptable while his cheeks grew warm and red. So much time had been spent on the pointless endeavor to find something he didn't look horrible in, and he'd completely forgotten to fix his </span>
  <em>
    <span>hair.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It was a stupid mistake, and every part of him wanted to cancel their attempt at a doomed date and go back to his bunk. Maybe, he'd be able to forget about this in a year, and they could still be friends, but-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His train of thought ground to a halt when he felt fingers brush his, nearly hooking around each other, just one move away from holding his hand, and he blinked before quickly looking down. The hand didn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> take his, of course, but Trevor had his undivided attention almost immediately, which meant he didn't miss a single word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, no, it's okay. I like it. It suits you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"So, what do you do, Deke?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I just started a tech company, actually. We started developing a-"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"That's pretty cool."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He had been able to see that she wasn't paying attention, that her gaze hadn't even left the screen of her phone since she'd pulled out her lipstick and used the camera as a mirror to fix it. She'd wanted to look good for their date, that made sense, especially when the restaurant she'd recommended was far nicer than the boba shop he'd taken her to when their relationship was just starting out. Sequoia had way more going on in her life than he did, and she had probably been distracted by something that one of her hundreds of thousands of instagram followers had tagged her in, or thinking about something to share to her story before the end of the night, or checking to make sure the lighting would be appropriate for a picture of her plate, once it arrived. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Taking a breath, Deke had sat up a bit straighter, her words seeming like an encouragement - if she thought it was </span>
  </em>
  <span>pretty cool, </span>
  <em>
    <span>she probably wanted to hear more about it. "Yeah, I have this idea for this-"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You haven't been here before, right? Their salmon is so good. You should get that, and I'll get salad, and we can share." The smile she'd flashed in his direction was easy to mirror and he gave a happy nod of his head. Sharing food was something that </span>
  </em>
  <span>real</span>
  <em>
    <span> couples did, not people who were just hanging out and getting lunch together once a week.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Yeah, okay. That sounds good. Let's do that."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Please</span>
  </em>
  <span> tell me Mack approved your weekend off request, too. I don't know if I can watch you leave on another mission while I'm stuck here with nothing fun to do." Deke dropped onto the couch in one of the Lighthouse's lounges, leaving a comfortable amount of space between himself and his </span>
  <em>
    <span>boyfriend,</span>
  </em>
  <span> a term he was still getting used to, while he let out a sigh. "I'm so tired of quinjets and paperwork and early morning workouts."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, he approved mine, too." He got a soft smile while Trevor shifted his weight on the cushions and held up the tablet in his hand. "I have to finish my report, and then I'm free for three days. We should get dinner, when I'm done. We haven't been off base for anything besides missions in weeks."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, he let himself relax further into the couch with a smile of his own. "Sounds good, to me. Where do you wanna go?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I didn't really think that far ahead. What are you in the mood for?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deke hesitated at the question, taking a slow breath before shaking his head with a sigh. "It doesn't matter to me. I inherited Fitz's stomach - if you put anything in front of me, it will get eaten, or hoarded for leftovers."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, but are you craving anything in particular? There's the sandwich place, the taco truck, that Italian place we still haven't gotten to try yet... if we wanted to go </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> crazy, we can take a car and go to that frozen yogurt place in the next town over and have </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> for dinner."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Any of those sound good. Really, it doesn't matter to me." He shrugged his shoulders and moved to lay down across the couch, comfortably settling his legs in his boyfriend's lap. "It would be nice to finally try that Italian place, but I'm not going to insist on it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trevor's hand rested just below his knee, giving his leg a gentle squeeze before the same spot was used to prop up the tablet so that he could type. "Then we'll go to the Italian place. I just don't know how I'll decide what I want. The reviews always talk about how good their alfredo sauce is, but they're bound to have so many options..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An easy, comfortable quiet settled between them, and Deke let himself relax until an idea occurred to him. He propped himself up on his elbows, letting himself feel and sound hopeful when he managed to find the right words to share his thoughts. "We could share...? We can figure out two things that sound good, when we get there, and then split them." Sharing his food was something he hadn't done since moving his life back to the Lighthouse, simply because there wasn't anyone to share his food </span>
  <em>
    <span>with</span>
  </em>
  <span> - and bowls of popcorn didn't really count. The only person he'd ever split full meals with was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sequoia, </span>
  </em>
  <span>his first and only real relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, that's perfect."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, maybe his relationship with Sequoia wasn't his </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> real relationship, anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He couldn't remember when the first time she'd hit him was.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He couldn't remember if it had been during the first time they slept together, or before that. He couldn't remember if the pain had ever </span>
  </em>
  <span>actually</span>
  <em>
    <span> been pleasurable, or if he'd just convinced himself that it was when it was less harsh. The only thing he </span>
  </em>
  <span>did</span>
  <em>
    <span> remember was that, by the time he was coding the last pieces of Remorath Rumble, a slap to his cheek usually meant that he was about to be kissed, sometimes more, and that was simple enough to put up with if it meant that it would be over. It was only when she hit him any harder than that when he knew he was in trouble.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There had been times - in her bed, in his - when the rougher treatment wasn't a punishment, but an embellishment for what they were already getting up to. It was added stimulation that he was able to take in stride. But there were times, if he had been running late, or too busy with work, or a night out with Trevor fell on the wrong day, that she put more of her weight behind it, made sure he </span>
  </em>
  <span>knew</span>
  <em>
    <span> just how upset she was that he was neglecting their relationship for other things. He knew exactly when he was edging toward trouble, and what he should do to avoid it so that she didn't get mad at him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>When it came to having to put their boba date on hold, he was </span>
  </em>
  <span>already </span>
  <em>
    <span>in trouble.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Deke, I still need boba."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The warning had been clear enough in her tone, and he hesitated, not even trying to hide his uncertainty and nerves from his expression when there was barely anyone paying attention to them enough to notice it. "Sequoia... babe, me too." He took a breath, offering up the first solution that had come to mind but not feeling all too hopeful while her gaze stayed pointedly focused on him. "Is there... any way, maybe, you could go get the boba and bring it back, and we'll have it together, just so I can close this deal? Please?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was a risk, putting even the hint of a plea into his tone, and while it likely hadn't gone unnoticed, it did go unacknowledged. Sequoia's eyes didn't leave him even in the tense beat of quiet between them, her tone even more of a warning than it already had been, despite the small smile she'd put on. "Okay."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The panic that had formed in his gut while she walked away was immediate, because he knew what that warning meant. Whenever they had a few moments alone, the treatment he would get would be a far cry from whatever he'd endured in the game after winning the raid, and there was a very small chance of him getting any kind of affection afterwards.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>( </b>
  <em>
    <span>he was right about that, of course, judging by how hard her hand had connected with his jaw in the privacy of the development floor's ladies' room, and the hug he'd gotten before that was one of relief, not anything that she decided he'd earned. he'd made a mistake, going against her plans, and he had to pay the price for it. that was a rule he'd had to learn early on in their relationship, and he never forgot it </span>
  </em>
  <b>)</b>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could still taste the alfredo sauce on his tongue from dinner while they pulled their coats back on and shuffled out of the restaurant. It was nice, even bordering on romantic when it came to the candlelight they'd eaten by, and the establishment had quickly gone on the list of places to consider for their next proper date night. Between the bowl of fettuccine, the chicken parmesan, and the soup and salad they'd gotten before their main meal, they had enough leftovers to tide them over through lunch the next day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was convenient, now that they were both on SHIELD paychecks and he wasn't getting anything new from his since dissolved company.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wait, hold on, your collar." A hand rested on his arm to keep him from walking too much further, the bag of food swaying at the sudden stop but staying controlled and safe in his own hand. Trevor gave the corduroy jacket a gentle tug before moving his hands up to flip half of his collar down from where it had somehow gotten stuck in a vertical position, leaving them standing face to face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The breeze was gentle enough that it wasn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> cold, and his jacket would have been enough to keep him warm for the short walk back to the Lighthouse's alley entrance, but he could feel the warmth of hands so close to him through the thick fabric. They stood there, just for a moment, their gazes meeting in the light from the streetlamps overhead and the nearby restaurant windows. The fingers near his collar came up slowly, just barely brushing against the scruff of his jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quickly, Deke took a step back and squeezed his eyes shut, his entire body tensing while the bag of food swayed in his hand again. He couldn't explain it, why he automatically braced himself for physical pain, as if Trevor had ever done anything to make him feel the fear that built in his stomach. But they were so close, and the moment felt so much more intimate than he was used to, and if they were just a few inches closer, they could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>kissed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And he knew what tended to preclude moments like those.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Deke...?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was concern there, the same tone that had been used when he'd been stabbed and was bleeding onto a computer lab floor. For just a moment, the fear spiked into something that made that memory even more clear in his mind, and he had to take a deep breath just to stop his hands from shaking so much. "I'm fine..." The words sounded like a lie even to his own ears, and he bought himself some time by switching the bag of food to his other hand before trying to speak again. "I'm sorry, I think I'm just tired... We should get back; it's getting late..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trevor watched him for a moment, gaze flickering down to trembling fingers before he nodded slowly. "Okay. Do you want me to carry that? I can put it away if you want to go straight to your bunk and get some rest, when we get back." He didn't have time to respond before he felt the presence of someone in his space, steady fingers gently pulling the leftovers from his hand. "Come on, I know a shortcut. You look exhausted."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He'd stopped shaking by the time they got back to the Lighthouse, letting himself walk along closer to Trevor's side in the narrow hallways until they got to the door of his bunk. Insisting that he didn't need an escort hadn't done anything to stop him, and he'd given up on fighting it long before they stopped walking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At any moment, Deke could turn and go into his bunk, lock the door behind him, and crawl into bed. He could forget the wave of fear that had overtaken him outside of the restaurant for a little while and get the rest he needed - maybe an almost nonstop cycle of missions and training had been doing more to his sleep schedule than he thought they were, that would explain the odd reaction. He'd never flinched away from Trevor before, not even when fingers found his scarred wrist during movie nights, not even when they were sparring and practicing new moves. He knew there was no </span>
  <em>
    <span>danger</span>
  </em>
  <span> when they were together, not even if a hand happened to drift too close to where bruises used to live.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could let himself give in to whatever his body needed, he made himself turn his back to the door, his voice far steadier now that the emotion had passed. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I freaked out, back there. We were, uh... we were close to... that is, if you were trying to..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Kiss you? Yeah, that was... that was kind of my intention." The pink that rose up under the darker skin of Trevor's cheeks didn't sway him from meeting his gaze, his voice low and careful and gentle in the otherwise silent hall. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"I'm</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry. If that's too soon, or you don't want that, I shouldn't have just assumed. I'll... I'll go put the food away, and we can hang out in the morning? We can forget that ever happened..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinked, biting his tongue for a moment before stepping forward and lifting his chin to press his lips to the frown that had somehow formed. Even if things were a little bit more tense than he'd planned any of their time together to be, Deke didn't want to see that disappointment on his boyfriend's face, anymore. It made him ache with something deeper than the fear, and he wanted that feeling </span>
  <em>
    <span>gone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The kiss stayed gentle and hesitant and careful in the few moments before he pulled back again, all but pressing his back to the door to create space between them. He hadn't been thinking, and if that wasn't an appropriate time for a kiss, he didn't know what kind of reaction to expect. So, to avoid whatever harsh reality was waiting for him on the other side of his rash decision, Deke didn't give him the </span>
  <em>
    <span>time</span>
  </em>
  <span> to react, quickly opening the door and stepping back into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Goodnight!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If it wasn't for the fact that his mission had run long, he wouldn't have had a problem at all. He wouldn't have gotten back to the Lighthouse so late at night, and he wouldn't have had to do a report at two in the morning, and he wouldn't have been getting to bed close to dawn, and he wouldn't have slept through right through the plans he'd made for lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was well past noon by the time he woke up, never mind when he actually got dressed and could find his phone in his discarded pants from the night before. The first thing Deke did when he got the screen unlocked was open his contacts to find the number he needed to call, not wasting any more time before tapping the right button and putting his phone to his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, Sleeping Beauty." Trevor answered after the first ring, a smile clear in his tone. "Glad to know you're alive."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I missed lunch." Letting out a defeated sigh, Deke sat down on the edge of his bed and squeezed his eyes shut while he frowned. "I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>sorry. I wasn't thinking about it, and I didn't set my alarm, and... can we reschedule? Move our plans to dinner tonight, or we can hang out tomorrow?" He could feel a familiar tug in his gut, the anxiety that came with any kind of failure, and it took a moment before he could find his voice again without it shaking. "I can come to wherever you are, right now? I'll even bring food, if you haven't eaten anything, yet. You didn't wait for me, did you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Deke, hey, it's fine. Mack said you got back late, so I figured you'd be pretty tired if you got out of bed at all." He could tell that his boyfriend was trying to be comforting, but even the reassurance wasn't doing much to help. "We can always reschedule if something comes up. Get some more sleep, if you need it, and I'll bring some movies by your bunk, later? We can do something that's a bit more relaxing than trying to make it to a nice meal, and you can tell me about the mission that kept you away for so long."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting up on his feet, he shook his head and started for the door of his bunk quickly. "No, no, we made plans for </span>
  <em>
    <span>lunch, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and I missed them, and I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I swear. Where are you? I'm leaving my room right now."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Deke, wait. I have some training in an hour with May, and you really should be resting after being gone for so long. It's really okay."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And now we can't hang out until later, and it's my fault. Shit, Trevor, I'm-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>apologize </span>
  </em>
  <span>for sleeping in. We work for SHIELD, Deke, not everything is going to go how we plan it, and that's okay. I have some more movies you need to watch, anyway, so it works out."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to screw it all up. How can I make it up to you? I'll do anything, anything at all."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And you don't have to do anything to make it up to me. Unless you really want to have popcorn ready around seven? That gives me time to get cleaned up after I work out, and you get to nap, if you need to."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deke stopped and took a deep breath, close to the door but still in his bunk while he managed to make himself relax, however slowly that process went. He wasn't getting yelled at, and the gentle tone that came from the other end of the call was completely unlike the warning one he was still used to expecting when he made a mistake. He didn't know what would have to face once they were alone and in the dark, but that didn't matter in that moment. There was a few hours before he had to come up with a way to properly make up for how much he'd messed up. "Oh... yeah, I can do that... Popcorn. I'll see you, then."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Deke walked into his office only three minutes late, smiling at the sight of his girlfriend in the chair that had become hers over the course of a few months. So far, his day had been practically perfect, with only one meeting running a little long so that a problem could be fixed with the latest batch of mushroom pellets - still top secret to everyone besides himself, Trevor, and the team actively working on it. The taste needed to be fixed, and the texture, and the actual nutritional value, but they were getting close to a breakthrough, he could feel it. He was ready to have a nice, relaxing lunch before getting back to work, and the fact that Sequoia was already there meant they didn't have to wait to spend time together any longer.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Hey, babe." With a smile, he leaned down to kiss her cheek only to be met with a hand blocking his access.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Where have you been? I've been here for twenty minutes, just waiting for you. Were you going to stand me up?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He blinked and tried to glance at the top of her phone to check the time before the screen went dark. His team had kept him moving all morning long, and Trevor made sure his schedule wouldn't be so packed that he'd be more than a few minutes late, but that didn't mean the clocks on the walls all over the building couldn't be slightly off. He'd have to get someone to check on that before something like this happened again. "Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't realize my meeting ran that long. I wasn't going to just skip out on lunch, babe, I promise. Something came up in the lab, and-"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Of course it did." Her words were short and clipped while she stood up to lead him out of the room, and he followed without hesitation. "I won't be able to stay for very long. I'm busy, too. But your job is clearly more important than mine."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>With a small frown, he moved so that he could walk next to her instead of a step behind. "Babe, I never said that. I'm sorry I was late. Can we reschedule, or something? I can take you to dinner again tomorrow night? Anywhere you want. And I'll make sure I'm never late again."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stopping in her steps, Sequoia turned to face him with a more contemplative expression. She was giving the idea some thought, at least, and that was more than enough to fill him with relief. "Tomorrow night doesn't work for me, but you have to do </span>
  </em>
  <span>something</span>
  <em>
    <span> to make this up to me. You completely wasted my time."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I'm sorry, Sequoia, really. What can I do? I'll do anything."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Something flickered in her eyes before she lifted her chin and spoke, her expression one of innocence while a small smile pulled at her lips. "Anything? Well, I suppose, if you want to spend some time together, you'll come over tonight, as soon as you're done, here. Don't be late, this time, Deke Shaw."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>( </b>
  <em>
    <span>he wasn't late, but that didn't mean that he wasn't facing adequate punishment for what had happened to their lunch plans. she made sure he made up for his mistake, not even really giving him time to do more than kick off his shoes by the door before grabbing him by the wrist to pull him down the hallway to her bedroom. their sex had always been a bit intense, something that involved him putting all of his focus and attention toward what she urged him to do, and the pleasure that came along with it had always made it worth it. following orders wasn't a chore when he got something out of it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>that night was different, her hands at his wrists holding him in place even after he asked her to move them anywhere else. the pressure on his scarred skin made it difficult to feel good with all that she was doing, even if it was normally more than enough to fill him with bliss. there wasn't any pleasurable high before she was finished getting what she needed, or after.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"see how nice things are when we get to spend time together? we'll have to do this in your office, next time we have lunch plans." and, for just long enough, the idea of a reward made it easy to find the motivation to start running early to things instead of late</span>
  </em>
  <b> )</b>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay, so meet us by the training rooms at four? We can find an empty lounge, from there, and get snacks on the way." Daisy leaned in the lab doorway while she watched him work, the air between them easy and relaxed. "Mack is bringing a bunch of games, and Yoyo brought back this super strong alcohol from her last mission, so we're going to mix it into whatever carbonated drinks we can find."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up from his work, Deke shook his head with a small smile. It had been ages since so many of them had the time to hang out together, and he was looking forward to it. Things were going well, better than he'd ever imagined his life could be, and finding the time to celebrate that with more of the people he cared out only made it better. "I'll be there. Tell him to bring Mario Kart? I need to kick your ass at it."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Ha,</span>
  </em>
  <span> as if. You're going down, Deke." Daisy all but grinned while she stepped into the lab slowly, sliding onto a nearby padded stool so that she could watch what he was doing. "What are you working on, anyway? SHIELD didn't have anything in development, last time I checked. You're not making something to sell again, are you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"First of all, if that was the case, I wouldn't be doing it in a SHIELD lab, would I?" He arched a brow in her direction, shaking his head again while he reached over to turn the computer screen so she could see it. "I'm trying to recreate this study I was reading, or part of it. If anything comes out of it, I'll be sure to let SHIELD know so we can use it to solve world hunger, or whatever our cause is, this year."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, world hunger isn't our thing, but we can get you in contact with people who can actually use it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Aw, thanks, bestie."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Be careful, Agent Shaw, this is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>professional</span>
  </em>
  <span> setting." She got up again, flashing him a smirk on her way out of the lab.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"What do you mean you and Trevor have concert tickets?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I mean, we have concert tickets. I would have gotten another ticket, but you told me you didn't want to go."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"But you're always so busy. You're always working, or with Trevor, and I never get to see you." Sequoia had looked up at him with wide eyes and a pout, and he was on the edge of giving in to her even before she'd said her next words. "I </span>
  </em>
  <span>miss</span>
  <em>
    <span> you when you do these things."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Deke had let his shoulders sag in something close to defeat and ignored the buzz from his phone in his pocket. He was supposed to be getting ready to go so that they would actually get a parking spot, but he'd forgotten that he gave his girlfriend a spare key to his apartment, and when she'd showed up talking about how upset she was that her own plans for the night had fallen through, and he couldn't just send her away. "Sequoia, I-"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I never get to see you, anymore. We used to go out every weekend, and you have that conference coming up, so we can't even go to Burning Man this year." Her pout had gotten more prominent while she went on. "And now I have </span>
  </em>
  <span>one night</span>
  <em>
    <span> free, but you already have other plans."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He'd shaken his head quickly, just wanting that look in her eyes and the feeling in his gut to go away as soon as possible. "No, it's okay. I gave the tickets to Trevor to hold onto, anyway. I'm sure he can find someone else who wants to go. I can stay here and we can order dinner tonight."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deke ran his fingers through his shower damp hair, checking his appearance with a quick glance in the mirror and pausing, just for a moment, when he realized how long the hair on his jaw was getting again. That was something he should be keeping a better eye on, considering how much of his job tended to be influenced by how he looked, especially if he was meeting with contacts in the field.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"When's the last time you shaved?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned to himself in the reflective surface of the mirror, taking a deep breath to try to relax. He still had to meet up with Daisy and everyone for game night, and that would be a lot less fun if he was stuck in the rut of feeling out of place just because he was too busy to shave. Running his fingers through his hair again, satisfied that not </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> of him was unkempt, he made his way to the door so that he could get going, stopping as soon as he saw who was on the other side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, hey... I was just about to knock."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blinking, Deke smiled and stepped forward to hug his boyfriend happily, shaking his head. "I thought you were supposed to be on your mission until tomorrow. When did you get back?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The arms that went around him were warm and steady, and everything he was worried about was temporarily forgotten. "I just got back about an hour ago. Things went better than we were expecting, so I thought we could take the extra time to hang out? We could watch a movie, or go get dinner?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He paused before pulling back, biting his tongue. If he needed to, he could always reschedule with his friends and play video games another night. "Yeah, yeah, let me just text Daisy and let her know I won't make it, tonight. Come in, we can turn on Netflix, or-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wait, Deke, slow down. Do you already have plans? We don't have to hang out if you're busy. I'll go turn on something scary and enjoy it enough for the both of us." Trevor's hand found his, giving his fingers a squeeze while he smiled. "I won't pull you away if you want to hang out with your friends."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deke stared at him for a long moment, resisting the urge to reach for his phone so that he could text and cancel despite the reassuring words. He did </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to go play games and drink just a little too much and try to win whatever bet he and Daisy inevitably came up with for the night, but he didn't want to miss out on time with his boyfriend, either. "Oh, well... it's just a game night. Mario Kart will still be there the next time we all have a day off."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a moment of quiet, and the knowing look he got made him feel warm from the inside out. "Yeah, sure. Go have fun with your friends. If you drink too much or need anything, I'll be in my bunk watching historical ghost movies. Kick Daisy's butt on Rainbow Road, for me."</span>
</p><p>
  <b>( </b>
  <em>
    <span>he didn't end up going to Trevor's bunk that night, needing Daisy's help just to stumble the distance to his own bed, and half of that trek was spent in fits of giggles and drunkenly trying to shush each other. but, in the morning, when his head was pounding and even the light from his phone seemed like too much, he caught sight of his own bunk door closing before the water bottle and painkillers on his nightstand got his attention </span>
  </em>
  <b>)</b>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Deke dismissed the few employees who had gotten his attention to give a status update about one of the latest projects. He only had an hour to get lunch before his next meeting, and he wanted to actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>eat </span>
  <em>
    <span>during that time, heading for the stairs so that he could hide away in his office for some quiet. He'd have to be at the top of his game, again, as soon as the meeting started, and he needed a real break before that happened.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Before he got very far, he heard a familiar voice call out from behind him, "Deke, baby, where are you going?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He stopped walking and took a deep breath, putting on a smile and turning to face her despite how eager he'd been to get as far away from socialization as possible. The morning had been long, and his afternoon was packed full of more work, and he just wanted a little time to himself before he had to go back to it. "Sequoia, babe, hey. What are you doing here?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"What am I doing here? Did you forget we had plans again? Deke, we talked about this after last time." She shook her head, grabbing his hand as soon as she was close enough. "You booked our lunch reservations, right? And you made sure they were going to give us our usual table?" There was something in her voice, a tone that meant he was definitely supposed to know what she was talking about. The only issue was that he </span>
  </em>
  <span>didn't. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Deke?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Uh..." He took a deep breath and glanced to the side, looking for any kind of reinforcement. "Maybe I told Trevor to do it...? Actually, I'm sure that I did. He's in charge of my schedule, now, let me go find him, and make sure he did that." Deke forced his smile a bit wider while he shook his head again, taking a step back and gently pulling his hand from hers.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She didn't seem convinced by his words, a frown replacing her precious almost smile. It was clear that she was upset, that he'd messed something up, that he was going to have to make it up to her later. "You forgot again, didn't you? I asked you to do </span>
  </em>
  <span>one thing, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Deke, and you forgot."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Sequoia, I-"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"God, you really are just so caught up in yourself, aren't you? You can't even remember that we had a date because you're so obsessed with </span>
  </em>
  <span>work</span>
  <em>
    <span> and </span>
  </em>
  <span>Trevor."</span>
  <em>
    <span> She shook her head, all but scowling while she stepped away. "I can't believe I moved my entire day around for this, and you forgot, again."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Deke frowned, shaking his head while he reached for her. "Babe, I'm sorry. We can plan something for another day? Everything's been so crazy, with the new project that we started, and meetings, and-"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Right. Your work. That's why you can't remember plans you made with your own girlfriend. Text me when you're not so </span>
  </em>
  <span>busy."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't know what had made him think about the life he had before he officially became a SHIELD agent, but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> started thinking, and he couldn't make it stop. There were too many memories turning around in his head, too many instances where he knew that something was wrong but couldn't quite put a finger on what it was. There was someone in his life who swore that she loved him, so why had things always felt so miserable?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Between the fear that he'd gotten used to feeling that still lingered in his gut whenever he lost track of time and the fact that he still had to resist the urge to flinch any time someone reached for his face, there were very few possible explanations. He thought he'd narrowed it down to the most likely source of it all, and the more he thought about it, the more it made sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deke wiped his eyes with the back of his hands while he made his way down the hallways, ignoring everyone he passed even when they wore clear looks of concern. There was only one place he wanted to be, one person he was actually comfortable enough with to try to discuss any of this, especially with the burning </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> in his stomach. It wasn't fear; he knew what that felt like all too well, and fear felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>cold. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time he was in front of the bunk door he was heading for, his cheeks were wet again with new tears, and he didn't even bother to try to wipe them away before knocking. There wasn't a point, not when he knew he would </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> be upset no matter how many times he did. He had too many thoughts spinning through his head, too much emotion twisting into a million more until he settled on </span>
  <em>
    <span>one, </span>
  </em>
  <span>just before the door swung open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you ever get so </span>
  <em>
    <span>angry</span>
  </em>
  <span> about how much life you lost to a really crappy situation?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words came out in a rush, his hands shaking at his sides while he tried to take a deep breath. Confusion and worry were clear on Trevor's face while he stood in the doorway, staring at him for a long moment before seeming to shake himself into moving. "Okay, hold on, come inside and we can talk." He grabbed Deke's hand to gently pull him into the room, giving his fingers a squeeze before making him sit down on the edge of the bed. "What are you talking about? What happened?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not quite meeting his gaze, Deke shook his head and picked at the nail of his thumb without letting himself </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> about the words he was saying. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Sequoia </span>
  </em>
  <span>happened... I don't know how she did it all, but... I can't... I was barely allowed to see you, because she didn't like having me distracted. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> told me about plans she made. Everything I did was wrong - I was always running late, or forgetting something she never told me about, or needed too much attention from her, or didn't need </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough</span>
  </em>
  <span> of her attention, or working too much, or not working enough and not making enough money. I didn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to work to earn money; I </span>
  <em>
    <span>owned</span>
  </em>
  <span> the entire </span>
  <em>
    <span>company, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and I didn't make any more or less by not showing up to work for a day. She..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to stop, just for a moment, taking a shaky breath before all but whispering, his gaze unfocused and aimed at nothing in particular. "I think she hit me... but... does it count? It was always when I messed up, and just a slap or she'd hit my arm. It wasn't like I got </span>
  <em>
    <span>beat up, </span>
  </em>
  <span>or anything like that, but..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But, when I touch your cheek when we lean in to kiss, you flinch away, and when we sparred last week, I barely caught your shoulder and you just dropped instead of striking back."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah..." Somehow, Deke was able to keep his voice calm, even when taking a deep breath wasn't exactly easy and a new batch of tears started to fall. "And... I almost died, when the company got attacked, but I wasn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>afraid</span>
  </em>
  <span> of dying, not of a stab wound. I'm not even supposed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span> here. But she was... </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> angry, when that stupid plan to get boba fell through, and I think she had more planned than just slapping me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"More...?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a flicker of something else in Trevor's eyes, something that seemed just as hot as the anger still simmering in his own gut, but he pressed forward through the thoughts that still hadn't slowed down. "And I dated her for... what? Almost ten months? That's ten months of my life where I could have been </span>
  <em>
    <span>happy, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and focused on work, and gone to concerts and stupid escape rooms and maybe I would have </span>
  <em>
    <span>seen</span>
  </em>
  <span> that you were SHIELD before that day-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Deke-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And do you know what's worse? Not only did she steal all of </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> time from me, but she's </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> taking my life away from me-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Deke, wait-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> thinking about her, and our relationship, and how </span>
  <em>
    <span>miserable </span>
  </em>
  <span>I was the entire time. To the point that I can still barely kiss you, and I still panic over running late, and I flinch when you touch me, and I have to constantly check to make sure I haven't forgotten anything else. How messed up is that, right? It's been over a year, and so much of my life has been affected by her that it's like no time has passed at all."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Deke,</span>
  </em>
  <span> what the fuck is </span>
  <em>
    <span>more?"</span>
  </em>
  <span> This time, the anger wasn't only clear in Trevor's eyes, but also in his tone, and he couldn't stop himself from flinching at the sheer volume of the words. The next words out of his mouth were gentler, careful, quiet. "You don't have to tell me, obviously, if you're not comfortable talking about it, but... what does </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> mean, because I'm starting to jump to worst case scenarios, and I'm thirty seconds away from stealing a quinjet to fly to California myself so that I can demand answers from </span>
  <em>
    <span>her."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a deep breath, Deke looked down at his hands and bit his tongue, his own voice dropping back to a whisper. "Nothing that wasn't consensual..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long silence between them, and he kept his head down even when he heard a slow, careful sigh from a few feet away. After that, it was quiet again save for footsteps that carried his boyfriend back and forth from the bed to the door and back again, the pacing an obvious sign of nerves and restlessness even before he spoke. "The fact that you were afraid of it means that's not true. And the fact that you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>afraid of it means I should have noticed something was going on, and I mean beyond just her general bitchy personality."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He frowned and shook his head quickly, making himself lift his chin. "Trevor, you couldn't have known... I didn't even realize how much was going on until </span>
  <em>
    <span>today...</span>
  </em>
  <span> it's not your fault..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was with you every possible second. It was my job to keep an eye on you, and even if SHIELD didn't think that meant keeping you out of harm's way, I was still trying to keep you safe. And I... completely failed at that." The mattress sank with the added weight of another body and he could feel Trevor take a deep breath before their arms brushed when he leaned closer. "But... I will accept that it wasn't necessarily my fault, as long as you accept that it wasn't your fault, either. What she did was horrible, and it had nothing to do with whatever fake mistakes she found in you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deke squeezed his eyes shut when he felt himself start to shake again, leaning into the gentle presence at his side while more fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. He'd thought, just for a few moments, that he was done crying, that being able to say it all out loud had cleared it from his system, but if anything, this was worse than the anger he felt during the walk from his own bunk to his boyfriend's. At least that was something he understood, because crying when he was upset was a logical reaction. This new feeling, this </span>
  <em>
    <span>ache</span>
  </em>
  <span> that consumed him from head to toe, seemed to throb, almost the opposite of the burning in his stomach he was used to feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made himself move before he could overthink the decision, leaning up to capture Trevor's lips with his own in an eager kiss. There had to be a way to make the new hurt </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and the most accessible option was right next to him, even if the distraction would only be temporary. They both had training in the morning, and he'd have to go back to his own bunk sooner or later, but they had </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> time to do what they wanted before that had to happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a few blissful moments, it was perfect. The ache did stop, until his distraction was ripped away from him when the kiss broke. "Deke, wait. Stop, just for a second. I don't want to do anything we'll regret."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a frown, Deke shook his head and tried to lean in again, letting out a sound of complaint when he wasn't even able to make contact. "No. I won't regret this. I need this."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You need </span>
  <em>
    <span>this, </span>
  </em>
  <span>or you need to find a way to stop thinking about all of this?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled back enough to look up at him, his tears slowing but still shining in his eyes. There wasn't any way to pretend that he was okay, but he didn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be okay, not here, not when it was only him and the one person in the world he trusted the most. Even if he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> okay, that wouldn't change how he felt, he knew that much. "I </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> a distraction. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> that distraction to be you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Deke..." There was a blend of warning and hesitance in the single syllable of his name, and he felt himself instinctively tense before Trevor all but whispered: "are you sure? I'm not going to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> unless I know you want this."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a small, watery smile, Deke shook his head and shifted on top of the blankets to be closer to him. "I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life..."</span>
</p><p>
  <b>( </b>
  <em>
    <span>he never made it back to his bunk, that night, and there was a moment, between their next kiss and when their clothes ended up in a pile on the floor, where they accepted that the next morning's training would just be skipped in favor of getting the rest they both needed. for what felt like hours of overwhelming bliss and pleasure, Deke let himself be touched and caressed. he still instinctively turned his head away when a thumb brushed over his jaw, and he didn't fully relax until a soft kiss was pressed to the same spot, moments later.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>the entire night was spent letting that kind of treatment continue - occasionally, a touch would lead to a flinch, or Trevor would locate a previously undiscovered scar, and a new section of his skin would be explored with kisses. there were tears that got kissed away, soft reassurances, frequent check-ins to make sure this was still what he wanted. it was different from anything he'd ever experienced, gentle and tender and oh so loving.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>when he finally got to fall asleep, his boyfriend finished with exploring his body and taking care of his every need, it was with arms wrapped around his torso to keep him close to the chest at his back. while the rest of the night had been nice, the protective position and the feeling of gentle kisses scattered over his shoulder filled him with yet another new feeling, one that would take quite a bit of getting used to, not that they didn't have the rest of their lives to give him that chance. he was </span>
  </em>
  <span>safe. </span>
  <b>)</b>
</p>
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